WHYNATTE

My technical adviser recently informed me that many people now carry around cameras that are capable of making phone calls as well. Cameras that double as cellular telephones - what are they going to think of next?

Anyway, people have been using these new gadgets to email us photos of their own Whynatte drinking experiences. That seems like a fun thing to do. We are going to start running some contests for people that email us Whynatte related photos. Maybe give out a baby armadillo or something along those lines.

Feel like getting in on the action? Send us a photo at pics@whynatte.com.

Here is one that we received over the weekend:

Nathan is a solid fellow. Nathan is the kind of guy that opens a door for a lady, and for the most part always has safe sex. Nathan is the sort of fellow who doesn’t just brew a whynatte for himself, but makes sure that all of his guests are properly caffeinated. Nathan is the the kind of guy that can pull off a green polo like you pulled off that Jams outfit back in ‘86. If you would like to see for yourself how solid of a person Nathan is, go visit him at McCrady’s, the bar he owns in Charleston, SC. And yes, he does serve the Whynatte at his bar.

Basically, Nathan is the mayor of Whynattetown, and this is a small tribute to the man behind the myth.

Nathan is seen here licking his chops like a cougar about to eat a dead gnu.

Didn’t anyone ever tell you? A watched espresso machine never Whynattes.

Someone’s in the kitchen with Dana, someone’s in the kitchen I know. Maybe you didn’t get the memo: Nathan’s in the damn kitchen, he’s with his friend Dana, and he’s brewing up a batch of Whynattes.

Welcome to 2009.

2008 was a big year in the world of Whynatte. We launched the Whynatte Latte, and put ourselves on the forefront of the latte world. We genetically engineered a saber toothed tiger, and put ourselves on the forefront of the saber tooth world. It was a year of diversified accomplishments, and a big year indeed, but the best is yet to come.

According to the Chinese Zodiac calendar, 2009 is the year of the Ox. An Ox is almost the same as a cow. A cow produces milk. Milk is used to make latte. Need I continue?

We’re only getting started:

Buddy’s is more than just a gas station, it’s a love station. The fact that they sell a variety of petroleum products is merely an afterthought.

Rumor has it that there is an ancient Choctaw village buried underneath this iconic Atlanta convenience store, although people will say anything to get a 10% discount on a Kit-Kat. Choctaw village or no Choctaw village, you can always count on Buddy’s for a surprisingly good wine selection, friendly service, and ice cold Whynatte Lattes.

All good gas stations sell hollowed out hyena skulls, so what makes Buddy’s so special? It’s all about having a terrific location, an independent attitude, and a staff that looks like a goddamn pair of Brad Pitt when they wear their Whynatte shirts:

Although it is true that I pray to a Hebrew god, it should go without saying that I don’t mind dabbling in a little Christmas festivities from time to time. My uncle Jim happened to wed a gentile, so sometimes we like to stick the proverbial candy cane into the matzoh ball soup. A mixing of cultures, if you will.

Uncle Jim had never enjoyed the goodness of a Whynatte Latte until this past Christmas day. You can tell that he’s a little skeptical prior to his first taste of the latte. His skepticism is most likely the result of his 20+ years working in the pony breeding industry:

Note the Hanukkah plates on the Christmas table. That’s how we roll:

Even my brother’s glow stick exhibition last night wasn’t as glowing as the full page review in Creative Loafing that SMKA received for their recently released new compilation The 808 Experiment, Vol. 1. Which should say something, because my brother is a magician with the glow sticks.

New Year’s Eve is always anti-climactic, which is why we’re making the party tomorrow night our New Year’s Eve party come early. Live performances, satellite broadcasts, armadillo auctions, laser fighting, $5 Whynattes, you name it we’ve got it going down tomorrow.

Check out and download The 808 Experiment, Vol. 1 on SMKA’s Myspace page and come check out the most ratchet holiday party of 2008 tomorrow night:

Wondering whether or not the Whynatte Latte is for you? The following review of the Whynatte may as well have been written by Ernest Hemingway. To call it anything other than a literary masterpiece would akin to calling Rembrandt’s The Night Watch a “decent sketch”.

If this review doesn’t make you want to head out to your nearest latte broker and pick up a Whynatte, you don’t deserve to wear a cloak made from fine hyena fur.

Check it out: Whynatte review:

It’s important to remember that it is what’s on the inside that counts, and just because a girl is wearing a questionable sweater doesn’t mean that she isn’t a nice person. Or said another way, just because a girl’s wearing a tacky sweater, it doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t look great completely nude suspended from a steel cage in my office.

Lets be honest, it would be more fashionable to wear a sweater made out of live moray eels than what these three girls are sporting:

Angie makes up for the ugly sweater by accessorizing it with a Whynatte:

First kids start off drinking Whynattes. Next thing you know, they’re smoking them. If the situation goes unchecked, snorting them is the last stop:

They told me that I was crazy for having an in-house video company with a six figure salary, but they didn’t realize that I was working with Crab Dance Productions. If you can ink an exclusive deal with Crab Dance Productions for anything under seven figures, you know that you’re doing something right.

Case in point:

Ever since that four page spread came out in the Atlanta Business Chronicle, life at Whynatte has become a buffet of domesticated lynx’s, champagne dreams, and afternoon hang out sessions with rap stars. Take yesterday, for instance, when we made a brief stop by the set of Yung Joc’s latest video for his recently signed group the G Spot Boyz.

Name of the song that the video was shot for: Do Da Stanky Legg.

Name of the dance you’ll be doing in April at your cousin’s Bar-Mitzvah: The Stanky Legg (this video reminds me of what it was like in high school).

And yes, it is spelled “legg” with two g’s, which is not the only thing that this wonderful dance has in common with the global asset management firm of Legg Mason.

Whynatte was thoroughly enjoyed by everyone on the set of the video:

David, Whynatte’s own co-founder and Creative Director, enjoys an afternoon of stanky legg with Yung Joc and Virginia:

I’ll have one order of Yung Joc and Virginia, hold the stanky legg please:

This Friday night is going to be crazier than a half dozen Ewoks smoking meth in a used Dodge Caravan:

From yesterday’s Atlanta Business Chronicle. Whynatte giving other small businesses advice on how to successfully launch a new product (ahhhh, the irony):

Crab Dance Productions, Whynatte’s in-house video production company, is back at it again. I think that the video speaks for itself:

My friend Scott recently took a break from surfing transvestite pornography websites, instead turning his attention to various music industry related sites. Scott is a DJ in New York. While on Remix Magazine’s website, Scott came across a photo of a man in a Whynatte shirt.

I don’t know who this man is, but he looks vaguely familiar. I know a lot of famous people, a handful of foreign diplomats, and a number of local drug dealers, yet I can’t recall where I know this guy from. It would appear that he is well liked by his peers, and good at giving advice to others. Perhaps he enjoys long walks on the beach with that someone special, but this has not yet been confirmed.

If you can help identify him, we will send this mystery man a free case of Whynatte Latte. You will receive nothing, but he will receive much.

Please help locate the man below:

Anyone that knows how to use such a complex espresso machine deserves to have a free case of Whynatte:

When we set out to identify which publications we wanted to get Whynatte into, our top choice was naturally The Yak Breeding Digest, the foremost authority on everything yak. You get your company onto the cover of Yak Breeder’s and you’re virtually guaranteed to blow up.

Anyway, we were turned down by Yak Breeder’s, but we did happen to make the cover of Daily Candy’s Weekend Guide:

This morning, as Andy and I were nearing the end of an enormous unicorn mural we’ve been painting in his office, I was informed of an eloquent Whynatte write-up on Atlanta’s own Disposable Income Blog. I quickly packed away my water colors, adjusted my bolo tie, and headed to the world wide web to have a look.

I suggest you do the same: