WHYNATTE

1) My urethra hurts.
2) I’m scared of snakes.
3) Please don’t call me Lance anymore.
4) I can’t have my photo on your website.
The above is a sample of the various text messages that I received today. I disregarded 75% of these messages, but for legal reasons I did pay attention to #4. For a [...]

In honor of 118th anniversary of Vincent Van Gogh’s death, we are offering a 30% discount on Whynatte merchandise today and today only. Use the discount code “UNICORNS” when you checkout at the store, and the discount will be applied harder than our intern Andy applies vaseline to his wind-chaffed lips.

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Back when a latte was just a latte, Andy and I used to head out on the town to introduce the Whynatte to perfect strangers. We’d walk up in a bar knowing nobody, order Whynattes for anybody, convert new drinkers, and leave bar as heroes. It was grassroots marketing at its finest, and [...]

Better cancel that Bar Mitzvah you were planning to attend this Saturday. There is more illicit latte consumption in the works.
This Saturday, Whynatte is tossing the tabouleh at Park Bench in Buckhead. Located at 256 East Paces Ferry Rd, the Park Bench is haven for various types of reckless behaviors. [...]

Bennett, the one man hung jury, pandered his fiance and her friends to our Whynatte party last Saturday night, narrowly avoiding the statue of limitations requiring an arrival prior to midnight. I was a little concerned that having three attorneys at the party would be cause for a de facto latte injunction, but these [...]

The houndstooth fairy came last night, and dropped off a shipment of women’s small houndstooth Whynatte shirts. Whynatte, being the generous latte conglomerate that we are, will send a free one to the first person to email our intern Andy (a.glass@whynatte.com) a photo of their hound.
I repeat, first photo of a hound gets a [...]

The baboon symbolizes the eternal struggle of man versus beast versus monorail.
The crown, a symbol of wealth, represents the multiple tiers of offshore subsidiaries used to conceal our profits.
The crest is a symbol of family and loyalty. Without napkins we are nothing:

While growing up, there was always that family that was just so cool that the envy was painful. The kids could roam freely through the night, their mom was always making some sort of edgy casserole, and when their dad wasn’t busy hunting with a crossbow, he was always bringing home something cool like [...]

I have a little time on my hands this afternoon, so here are a few more photos from this weekend’s Thai Restaurant Takeover.  There are more photos on deck, so stay tuned for updates.
Slow and steady wins the race. Fast and jittery wins the baby aardvark. Looks like there are no baby aardvarks [...]

Whynatte’s Thai Restaurant Takeover went off with multiple hitches, but none were big enough to derail the latte express. In fact, you could have hitched a catamaran to the hitch we were working with last night. My Thai isn’t exactly what you would call “fluent”. So when the staff at Mali Restaurant [...]

Ever wanted to drink Whynattes in Thailand? What about a Thai restaurant? Well, now is your chance:

Making lists is an easy way to remember daily tasks. For example, here is my to-do list for today:
1) Procure mushrooms to prepare for the baking of quiche.
2) Pick up bronze grappling hook from sporting goods store.
3) Send whole flounder to a few of my enemies.
4) Go to the following website and vote in [...]

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a device that used GPS to track your friends like a blood thirsty hyena tracks down a weakened gnu? Even better if this same device could show you the location of the nearest place to find a fresh Whynatte, right?
The Latte Location Device. Coming soon to [...]

Something wicked this way cometh. Hide the women and children, the latte is coming:

Wait just a second, is that a Whynatte cocktail napkin being used at a bar? It looks like the latte takeover is fast approaching. Napkins today, rickshaws tomorrow. Sassafras lollipops the day after tomorrow. Blackened Chilean seabass every damn day.
Keep your eyes out, things are about to get up close and [...]